Last Choir Standing

Myleene Klass, Nick Knowles and judges

We all know the formula for many Saturday night talent shows, even if you, like me, have managed to carry on with your life without ever watching the X Factor or American Idol. Last Choir Standing is exactly like these, but instead of searching for a screaming poppet who wants to become famous, they are looking for a choir who presumably want to become famous too.

This being the first episode we are still at the audition stages - the best part according to connoisseurs, especially if you enjoy a spot of occasional schadenfreude.
Myleene Klass and Nick Knowles expertly present this weekly show, where 60 choirs are narrowed down to 15 to battle it out weekly with live performances.
The judges, opera singer Russel Watson, Holby City actress Sharon D Clark and choir director Susan Digby, have the difficult task of choosing who goes through and who doesn’t.These three seem like a nice bunch and if the first episode is anything to go by, this show will have very few nasty and humiliating moments.

The first choir to audition are The Handbags of Harmony from Chester, a female only ensemble that’s obviously not had time to change outfit since their group outing to the Sex and the City film. Clad in pink feather boas, they belt out a fabulous rendition of Britney’s Hit Me Baby One More Time. The girls make it through despite one of the judges’ fears that they are a little too gimmicky.
Men Aloud, the all male Welsh choir, charm the trio too with What Shall We Do With a Drunken Sailor, but it’s the younger ensembles that really grab the audience attention.
Sense of Sound, ACM Gospel and Revelation are college and community choirs made up mostly of teenagers, some coming from the UK’s most deprived areas. They joined a choir for “something to do” and to “stay off the streets”. For many of these kids singing is their life and they give it all by belting out pop songs including Praise You and Cry Me a River.
 But it’s youth Gospel choir  Dreemz from West Bromwich who have the toughest time: despite their obvious talent they don’t have a musical director to hold them together, and it’s a touchy moment for Sharon D Clark whose Yes or No will decide the youngsters’ fate. She can’t quite make her mind up (read: she has already, but this show needs a bit of suspense), so asks Dreemz to perform a second time later in the show. It’s nerve racking, but they make it through and their joy is palpable.
Belfast  choir The Open Arts Community Choir charm and move the judges with a beautiful Moon River. Sharon D Clark, again, the mama with the “big personality”,  (this term must become un PC soon, surely. Why is it that only larger women are described as having a “big personality”?) can’t hold the tears back. Were I cynical I’d imply that that may have something to do with the fact that the Belfast choir is composed  of 50% disabled singers, but I want to go with the show’s good spirit…

If you watch this program to see contestants crash and burn, you’ll be disappointed.  However there are a couple of schadenfreude tinged moments, if you like that sort of thing.
The Cumbrian Amabile’s Girl Choir don't make it through, despite their vocal perfection. The reason is their “lack of passion and feeling” which is  true. The choir's run like a 1950s finishing school in a state of terror by its very uptight musical director, doing her best to ensure  her girls don’t have a good time when they sing. It’s all about hard work she says, and the girls couldn’t look more miserable if they tried.
Resonance too, a hippy ensemble directed by a very serious earth mother, produce interesting but alas soporific vocal sounds and the judges just aren’t impressed.

Not being a talent show fan I thought that I’d  fall asleep through this program, but I really did enjoy it.
What’s more I found it inspiring and touching: the sense of community and togetherness, the need for people to escape from their daily life and, for some kids, escape from the gang and knife culture that pervades their community.
Unlike other similar shows, it seems to me that Last Choir Standing is not about humiliation, but inspiration.

Stef Bottinelli

Last Choir Standing, Saturdays 7.45pm, BBC1

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